Toughen Up Self-Defense Training Tips

Self-defense instructors often encourage students to interrupt or discourage victimization by “pretending to be tough.”   Tiny, out-of-shape women, for example, are advised to stand tall, take an aggressive stance, sneer and blurt out insults and vulgarities in an attempt to intimidate a larger, stronger predator into backing off.

It makes sense on the surface.  “The Law Of The Jungle,” states that predators target their prey on the basis of their perception of their willingness or ability to fight back.  They are in search of the passive, weak and meak.  So, in theory, the “tougher” you come across the less likely a criminal will follow through on his attempts to victimize you.

In my self-defense program this is called “Defiance,” and it’s one of five response options available to you in a confrontation.  And SOMETIMES it IS the fight thing to do.  Projecting the image of a tough gal or tough guy CAN send a bully, mugger or rapist searching for a easier target.

But should you ALWAYS do the defiance thing?  Is it really that simple?  Do you think advice like this has the potential to backfire?

In reality people who “pretend to be tough” have to consider two factors of success:

1.  Will my”bluff” be convincing?

2.  What will I do if the my bluff only makes matters worse?

People who are confused or doubtful about their response options, no matter how convincingly they attempt to come across, will not project the signals that they need to discourage aggressive behavior.  Just like you can’t fake strength or endurance, it is also very difficult to fake the “non-victim” behaviors and body language that will send a potential assailant looking for someone else.

When you know EXACTLY what your response options are and you are confident in your ability to carry them out, you will project very different “signals” to the nutballs, retards and shitheads that get off on victimizing people.  The knowledge and experience you gain through the active study and ongoing practice of self-defense will have a significant impact on your “circle of influence” and your ability to defuse a volatile  situation.

Bottom line?… Defiance and de-escalation skills are not about bullshitting, bluffing or pretending.  They are skills to be learned.  They are enhanced only by a “legitimate” knowledge of your options and your ability to carry them out. 

Solution?  Keep studying the dynamics of self-defense and if you’re not already… get started on an intelligent, on-going combative training program.

There, I’ve said my piece… I feel better now.

What does morality have to do with self-defense?

Well a lot actually.  People’s behavior is directed and controlled by their beliefs and values.  There are a couple reasons why I think its important to clarify, and perhaps correct or modify your beliefs and values, if you want to develop an effective self-defense strategy.

First of all, you have to get clear on your belief in your god-given right to feel safe and secure in your life.  You have to be clear on your right to stand up and protect yourself even if it means challenging, confronting, injuring or even killing your attacker.

Believe it or not, some people have a hard time with that.  There are people who will allow themselves to be bullied, victimized and abused because they don’t feel that they are important or deserving enough to be protected.  That’s just plain wrong.

Violence, in and of itself is not necessarily, “BAD.”  Violence can actually be “GOOD.”  Its a matter or application and context.

Is it BAD for a child to fight off a pedophile trying to drag her into his vehicle?  Is it BAD for a woman to inflict a serious injury on a rapist or serial killer?  Is it bad for a good Samaritan to intervene on behalf of a weak, defenseless victim being pounded on by some dysfunctional piece of criminal shit on a street corner?  I DON’T THINK SO!  It’s good!

Violence is only either good or bad as a result of the context in which it’s applied.  If you don’t have a crystal clear sense of this “righteous application of violence,” your ability to successfully protect yourself and your loved ones is in jeopardy.

The second thing that you need to do is sit down and take a good, hard look at what is worth fighting for and what isn’t.  People have been killed trying to protect trivial possessions or fighting over issues that aren’t worth fighting for.

When a stressful incident activates our sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight response) our thinking and decision making skills deteriorate.  Sometimes, in a confrontation we panic and either fight for something that isn’t worth fighting for or fail to protect what IS significant and important in our lives.  Sometimes we lay down and give up and then spend the rest of our lives wishing we’d fought back.

For the purpose of our discussion, lets get clear on a couple of definitions:

Values are what we place great importance on in our lives.

Belief is our sense of certainty about the way thinks are.

Your efforts to think about this and figure it out BEFORE you find yourself in a threatening situation is crucial.  I encourage you to do some soul searching and examine your beliefs and values about self-defense by answering these questions:

1.  What do I believe about my right to protect myself from physical harm; even if it means hurting or killing another human being?

2.  What do I have in my life that’s worth fighting for, even if it means that I might be beaten and seriously injured trying to protect it?

3.  What do I have in my life that is NOT worth fighting for and running the risk of death or a serious injury if I do?

4.  What would I lose or miss out on if I was killed or seriously injured by the violent actions of another person?  What am I prepared to do, so that never happens to me?

5.  What am I prepared to do TODAY to prepare myself for a threatening encounter that may or may not happen to me in the future?

6.  What are the positive benefits I can gain in my life by investing time and energy into self-defense training even if I end up never having to defend myself?

People behave, whether deliberately or by default, on the basis of the values and belief’s.  You need to examine your values and belief’s and determine whether they are “empowering” in that they help you get what you want out of life or “disempowering” in that they prevent you from achieving it.

If you have disempowering belief’s, that compromise your ability to successfully defending yourself,  you need to change them.  Belief’s are like habits, the best way to change a bad one is to replace it with a good one.  Once you do, seek out evidence to reinforce the validity that your chosen belief is true.

What do you believe about your ability to defend yourself?

Belief And Value Clarification Exercise

Grab a pen and paper, or fire up a blank document file on your computer and brainstorm a list of the beliefs that you have about your personal safety and your right to feel safe and secure.

Here’s a few examples to get you started:

• I have the right to be left alone, not be hassled, harassed, bullied or taken advantage of by others.
• I have the moral and legal right to protect myself and my family, even if it means injuring another person.
• My physical, mental and emotional well-being is important enough for me to take the necessary steps to protect it.
• My body is sacred and I have the right to maintain, condition and protect it.
• I am totally responsible for ensuring my own personal safety.
• My health and my family are my top priority and I will do anything to protect them.
• My religious beliefs are in harmony with my right and willingness to do what I have to protect myself.

… you get the idea.

Getting clear in your own head about your values and beliefs about self-defense and personal safety BEFORE something happens will have a significant impact on your performance in a confrontation.

Enff said.

I got an email from a frustrated subscriber with a very common question, “How Do I Prevent Myself From Freezing In A Confrontation?”  What happens if I’m paralyzed and unable to act in the terror of a violent situation?  He went on to provide me with a bit of background information:

Hi Randy:

Hope things are going well for you.  I receive your emails and wanted to ask you a question. I am a 5′ 6″ male, and may have similar issues as a woman in a self-defense situation. Except I have virtually no money to take (joke).

Anyway, I got interested in your site because I believe you address real situations and possibilities.  I read your “how to drop a bad guy” post, but in addition to the strength and height disadvantage, I tend to freeze up. I know this from being approached by people selling things on the street and  from a fight I was in. I wonder if you did or could address the “intimidation factor.”

Also, I have an acquaintance that likes to joke around when he sees me, presumably to show his dominance. He is 6′4, and picks me up by the lapels, grabs me from behind and lifts me up, acts as if he’s mad and pushes my shoulder,  and other stuff.  It occurs to me that this could be a common thing to do to a shorter weaker guy (on the street).

How do people of my stature prevent being intimidated about dealing with situations like these? If you’re interested in knowing, I am 41, and the people you deal with daily, are generally people I have a hard time dealing with whenever I run into them.

Recently I had a run in with a guy at a gas station who accused me at looking at his girlfriend.  I often find guys stare me down and try to impose their dominance with eye contact and getting in your space.  I even had a guy who squeezed my hand in a hand shake with the intention of either hurting me or breaking bones.

NO, I am NOT a troublemaker; these things happened over a period of years mostly, but it seems like a “guy” thing.

I even decided to volunteer to help in a juvenile detention center. When I was leaving, one of the teenagers stepped in front of me and said “now what are you going to do.”  I was thinking I can’t believe I have to go through this shit when I am here to help this jerk-off.  The volunteer manager told me I give off a sense of fear.

Randy, I appreciate your time in responding!!!! I do intend to buy your punching program, but what good is it to a guy who freezes up?

Here is my Response:

Thanks for writing.  Your problem is not at all uncommon.  In fact, not too long ago, I asked my readers what their single most “burning question” was that they wanted answered about self-defense.

The concern about “freezing up” in a confrontation came up over and over again.  Psychologists call it “hyper vigilance.”  I call it “the deer in the head lights syndrome.” or a “Brain Fart!”  Its a common self-defense concern that CAN be addressed and corrected.

You raise TWO issues however… one is in relation to the fear of hyper vigilance.  The other is a Victim Selection issue.

Freezing Up

Freezing up is caused by a lack of knowledge, a lack of training and/or a lack of self-confidence. There are two dynamics at work that can cause you to enter a hyper vigilant state:  Not knowing what to do or a lack of confidence in your ability to successfully carry it out.

First the “not knowing what to do” issue….

I’ll try not to get too complicated here but when something happens to you, your brain must detect, analyze and make sense of what’s happening.  It will then apply a solution based on your existing knowledge, experience and training. (How long that process takes is known as “Survival Reaction Time.”

In a stressful situation, such as a fight or confrontation, your stress response will kick in and your ability for creative and logical thinking is dramatically impaired.  So if you haven’t “pre-considered” your options, you could be in trouble.

If you are well-trained, you have already created a number of “self-defense solutions” and a response will be immediately available to you. The most appropriate response will be drawn from your “short term memory” (conscious thinking) and you will do it.

You see something happen, recognize it, decide what to do about it and then respond quickly and decisively.

If something happens that you are confused about, and you don’t have an obvious response, your brain must now access long term memory and scroll through all past knowledge and experience in search for an appropriate response.  This will definitely slow down your “Survival Reaction Time.”

You may  end up choosing a poor response (under reacting or over reaction) or, if your brain doesn’t find anything, it enters a  “looping process” and you freeze up. (not reacting at all)

The solution to the problem of freezing up is to do exactly what YOU are doing now… Start learning everything you can about self-defense and use “What-If” scenarios to mentally play out possible situations in your mind, decided in advance how you would like to respond to them.  (Perhaps I should qualify this a bit and tell you to learn everything you can about legitimate self-defense and the science of performance.  There is a lot of bullshit out there masquerading as legitmate fighting advice)

Lack of Confidence

The second issue that can cause people to freeze up in a critical situation is a lack of confidence.  You may be confronted and “know” what you are “supposed to do” but lack confidence in your ability to effectively pull it off.

Experience tells us that we do not attempt skills we lack confidence in while frightened and under stress.  You feel unable to control the situation or afraid that if your efforts fail it will only make matters worse… so you do nothing.

You can’t “fake” confidence.  It has to be “bought and paid for.”  Fortunately with the right training program, confidence can and will be enhanced by ongoing combative training.

I disagree with many self-defense instructors who tell their students to “pretend” to be strong, confident and capable even though they’re not. There’s a lot of advice in the personal development field about “pretending that you are already the person you’d like to be.” 

But when I guy’s preparing to kick your ass… that advice will only take you so far.  You can’t fake “athletic qualities” that you gain from combative training (which is what a predator picks up on) any more than you can fake a 300 pound bench press or 100 push-ups.

The key here is to undertake ongoing combative training to change yourself: you ability to perform (fight), the signals you project to others and the way you feel about yourself.  There is no better way to bolster your self-confidence than to get into great, functional shape.

Victim Selection

The other issue is the dynamics of “Victim Selection.”  The “rough housing,” challenges and bullying behavior you describe leads me to believe that you are being targeted as victim.  You are projecting “signals” of a victim mentality.

Predators (criminals, bullies etc.) select their victims on the basis of their perception of your ability or willingness to fight back or stand up for yourself.  They will often “test or interview” you prior to a predatory act to select or rule you out as a suitable target.

This assessment usually happens at a subconscious level and most often the “dirt bag” doesn’t know he’s doing it.

People who are constantly picked on and targeted are selected because of the signals and body language that they give off.

The way you move, walk, carry yourself and interact with others affects whether you project a victim profile or not.  Essentially, people who walk with confidence and ease, move with coordination and balance and basically project “athletic qualities” are seldom selected.  People who are attentive to their environment and aware of their surroundings are also unlikely to be targeted. (I wrote about this in a previous victim selection post)

That’s why people undertake the study of self-defense to deal with incidents of bullying and victimization but they usually never get the chance.  Their effort to prepare themselves for the “next time” an incident occurs… changes the profile that they project to the outside world. They no longer project the profile of a victim but instead send signals of someone ready, willing and able to defend him or herself.

The incidents of confrontaiton stop for a couple of reason.  First of all, regular training builds athletic qualities that cause you to move and carry yourself differently.  As your fitness, muslce tone and fighting skills improve… so does your self-confidence. This projects a “hardened target” or a “don’t-mess-with-me” profile to a potential assailant.

Secondly, through studying self-defense and getting clear in your head EXACTLY what your options are to deal with a variety of scenarios you project a degree of confidence and assertiveness when “tested” by a potential assailant.  You FAIL the test and send the predator on his way to search for a more suitable target.

The solution to the “rough housing” that you describe is not a matter of slick tricks and physical fighting tactics.  You’re not going to grab someone by a secret nerve point on the wrist and pin him to the floor.  You’re not going to blast a bone-crushing punch into the nose of your buddy because he’s trying to be funny.

The solution is assertiveness and mental preparation.  Its informing the person right then and there that you don’t appreciate the behavior and to knock it off.  You don’t have to be rude or aggressive but you should be assertive and get your point across:  “Leave me alone!”

The EASY answer?  Start training on a regular basis and the changes in your fitness, athletic qualities and self-confidence will quickly improve.  You’ll project a very different profile to a potential assailant and terminate the vast majority of confrontations before they happen.

Secondly, keep reading, learning and thinking about self defense. Give your brain a “road map” of what to do and how to handle volatile situations.  Have a plan A, a plan B and a plan C in mind that you can draw on in a volatile situation.

I’ll be laying out more details of my “Self-Defense Response Options” component in the blog. It will explain exactly what you need to know to make street smart decisions in dicey situations.

My advice to you is to get my Toughen Up Training Guides (or another high-quality self-defense “training” resource) and use them to set up a regular self-defense workout program.  Secondly keep reading and studying everything you can get your hands on about on self-defense (blogs, articles, books, seminars) and educate yourself about the dynamics and response options to volatile situations.

I hope this is helpful to you… If you have any other questions please feel free to email me.

Take care, train smart and stay safe…

Randy

All self-defense techniques are NOT created equal!

Being a “skillful martial artist” does not necessary translate to effective performance in a street fight or self-defense encounter.  I get A LOT of email, even from experienced “fighters,” about the “fear of fear.”  They are concerned that despite their fitness or technical skill that the terror and chaos of a “real knock down drag out street fight” will cause them to “freeze up” or perform poorly.

They question whether their self-defense skills will stand up to the test of the full-blown chaos and confusion of a life or death street fight.

This is an important enough issue to take a serious look at so why don’t we?

How the heck do you “turn fear into strength?”

You’ve heard it before:  “make fear your friend,” “turn fear into power…” “FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real” and my favorite, “There’s nothing to fear but fear itself.”

Whats up with that?  Talk about skirting an issue!  Am I to believe that I can learn how to eliminate fear from combative or volatile situations?

Sounds like a bunch of new age bullshit don’t it? How can you “pretend” not to be afraid when you are?  How can you possibly benefit from being afraid of something? 

Well, for once there is some science behind the hype.

I’m going to tell you why fear and stress can actually make you stronger, faster and tougher if and only if you understand it, expect it, accept it and build it into your self-defense response system.

Fear creates anxiety which creates stress. Stress is a given in violent or volatile situatons.  And like it or not, it’s going to impact your performance.  It’s the way we’re wired.

That can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on how smart you were when selecting techniques to work on for self-defense.

Fight, Flight or Freeze?

When the sympathetic nervous system is activated, referred to as the “Fight or Flight Response,” a wide range of physical and biochemical changes take place.

If properly managed, your stress response is a powerful survival mechanism that will help you withstand, fight off or escape a violent situation.

Among many other things it will help you:

• React faster,
• Become stronger
• Be more resilient to pain
• Bleed slower
• Run fast 

However, it will also:

• limit or distort your perceptions,
• make you less coordinated and
• make you “dumber” (less capable of logical or creative thinking)

If you ignore, deny or misunderstand the reality of stress performance when designing a self-defense response system and your training methods, you’re in for a whole lot of trouble in a street fight.

What Is “Self-Defense Stress?”

The fear of interpersonal violence is a “Universal Human Phobia.”  Unless you are ultra-ultra-confident (or have a screw loose), the thought of being victimized is frightening.  We NEED to feel safe and secure in the world before we can enjoy other aspects of our life.

Fear and stress are normal when we perceive a discrepancy between a threat and our ability to control it.  This is especially true under conditions where the outcome has the potential for death, injury, degradation, victimization, embarrassment etc.

Expect that you’ll be “shitting your pants” in a violent encounter because, like it or not, it’s going to happen.  Accept it, prepare for it and turn it to your advantage.

The Symptoms Of Stress

Stress causes a variety of psychological and physiological changes. Without getting into the specifics of those changes, the affects of intense stress on performance fall into three categories:

Perceptual Distortion - loss of peripheral vision and depth perception, hearing may be blocked or impaired, changes in pain sensitivity, etc.

Cognitive Impairment- the emotional centers in the brain become dominant and creative or logical thinking are impaired.   You may halucinate, experience time distortion (slow motion or fast motion), you may even forget what you did or “remember” something that didn’t happen.

Motor Skill Deterioration - the ability to perform certain physical actions is impaired by stress. Actions requiring eye-hand coordination, precision or coordination are likely to fail.  However, other actions will actually be enhanced by stress.

Each of these categories could form an article (or book) of their own.  However, for the purposes of this post, I’ll confine myself the selection and performance of physical skills.

The techniques built into the Toughen Up Combative Training programs are “gross motor skills.” Simple, large-muscle actions that will be stronger and more powerful in stressful, adrenaline-charged situations.

If you want to be effective in the stress and chaos of a street fight, here are some things to keep in mind. 

The KYSS Principle (Keep Your System Simple!)

Why is it that so many martial artists get beat up in street fights? I’m sorry to burst your bubble if you thought otherwise but the fact is that many people, even after years of training, have been thumped by “unskilled,” intoxicated adversaries. How can that be?

If you confuse sparring with fighting you’re in for a rude awakening.  If you train with a distorted mental map of what you can and can’t do in a real-life, knockdown, drag-out, anything-goes street fight you might be in for a surprise when the shit hits the fan.

The more clearly you understand the realities of a “fight” and the effects of being in one, the better you can prepare yourself for the demands and chaos of personal combat.

Motor Skills Classification

A “motor skill” is a fancy name for physical actions, tactics or techniques. They can be divided into three categories:

Fine Motor Skills - are actions involving small muscles, dexterity and eye-hand coordination. The ability to perform fine motor skills deteriorates at low to moderate levels of stress.

Complex Motor Skills - are actions that combine three or more steps or actions in a sequence requiring timing and coordination. At high levels of stress, the ability to perform these skills is also impaired. Many martial arts techniques are complex motor skills. This explains why techniques that may work fine in low-stress training sessions fail in a high-stress street-fight.

Gross motor skills- are simple, large-muscle group actions like squats, push-ups and push/pull-type movements.  Unlike fine and complex motor skills, gross motor skills DO NOT deteriorate under stress.  In fact, they are enhanced by the affects of fear and stress.

The strikes and kicks I’ve written about in the Toughen Up Training Guidesand this blog are gross motorskills.  They’ve been intentionally selected on that basis.

It makes total sense to rely predominantly on gross motor skills when designing a self-defense response system that you know will be applied in stressful circumstances.

So before you fill your “tool box” with a pile of fancy-schmancy-bullshit-fighting-techniques, think long and hard about what will stand up to the stress of a street fight.  Then use them as a foundation for your training and self-defense game plan.

Enuff said… (for now)

Take care, train smart and toughen up…

Randy

At the “core” of our desire to study self-defense is a need to improve and protect ourselves and the people we care about.  We “need” to feel safe and secure in the world if we want to live our lives fully. 

Intelligent, ongoing self-defense training will have a huge, positive impact on your health, sense of security and personality.  Those improvements can and will “spill over” into other aspects of your life in a positive way.

Self-Defense Psychology addresses the mental, emotional and behavioral benefits available to us through the study and practice of self-defense.

There are four “branches” of psychology that I address in my approach to self-defense training:

1.  Response-ability

2.  Motivation

3.  Mental Toughness

4.  Self-Esteem

#1 Response-ability: 

Response-ability is “your ability to respond” to the challenges and problems that you encounter in your life.  It’s accepting full and direct responsibility for your health, your personal safety and the results you produce.
Through the study and practice of self-defense you accept full ownership and responsibility for your health, protection and essentially your destiny.

Nobody can fight your battles for you.  You probably won’t be attacked in the company of other people.  Predators separate and isolate the intended victims.  The only person you can rely on to protect you but you. 

Response-ability is taking full responsibility for your safety, your training and learning what you need to know in order to achieve that.

Just like you can’t pay someone to workout for you, you can’t rely on other people for your health and protection.  That’s why it’s called “SELF” defense. 

Unless you have a 24/7 bodyguard on the payroll, you’re going to have to protect yourself.  It sounds obvious, but taking full responsibility for your personal safety is the foundation of achieving what you need to feel and be safe.

#2 Motivation: 

Motivation is the emotional force that propels your to take action.  What is it about self-defense that has you searching for a solution? 

People do things either to avoid pain or gain pleasure. 

Self-defense in particular, is usually “pain driven,” in that people undertake the study of self-defense to avoid being victimized, injured, embarrassed, abused etc. 

Other people might be “pleasure oriented” and look at their self-defense training for the benefits that it offers… it could be a fun and interesting way to get into shape, an enjoyable hobby, something to make you look fitter, feel healthier etc.

There are four forms of motivation that I address in my curriculum.

Motivation to learn - what motivates your interest in self-defense in the first place?  There are many people who don’t give their personal safety a second thought.  Obviously, since you’re reading this, self-defense IS of interest to you.  What is it about self-defense that interest you and how much of a commitment do you have to find the answers or solutions that you seek?

Motivation to train - motivation to take action on a consistent basis is another aspect of your training.  We all struggle with diets, exercise programs and actions that we want to take to achieve the things we want in life.  I believe that one of the most profound and significant benefits of self-defense comes from implementing a regular, consistent, on-going training program.

Motivation to apply - a lot of people know what to do, but that doesn’t mean that they do it.  Self-defense and personal safety is about incorporating proactive rituals, habits and behaviors into you life that will improve your safety and reduce the potential of being targeted for a violent crime or abusive situation.  People are usually victimized when the least expect it.  If you only “activate” safety behaviors when you think that you need them, the probability of being caught of guard is significant. 

Motivation to act - If you do encounter a bad situation, are you motivated enough to apply what you know to protect yourself and resolve your situation?  Are you driven enough to fight the fight and keep on fighting until its done?  Are you solved enough to never give up?  Motivation to act is taking the actions that need to be taken at the time of a confrontation.

#3 Mental Toughness -

“Toughness is a measure of health and is evidenced specifically in terms of increases in flexibility, responsiveness, strength and resiliency.  Increases in toughness can occur physically mentally and emotionally.” Dr. James’s Loher, Toughness Training For Life

Mental Toughness is an important aspect of your performance in a critical incident, such as a street fight.  However, it is much more than that. There are significant physical, mental and emotional benefits that can be achieved by the effective balance of stress and recovery that comes from a well-designed combative training program.

Mental toughness “occurs in response to periodic exposure to progressively increasing cycles of physical and/or emotional stress alternating with regular periods of recover.” 

#4 Self-Esteem - the degree of one’s self-esteem has a significant impact on your confidence, your behavior and the quality of your life.

“Self-esteem has two interrelated components. One is a basic confidence in the face of life’s challenges: self-efficacy. The other is a sense of being worthy of happiness: self-respect. ”

Self-efficacy means confidence in the function of the mind, in my ability to think, understand, learn, chose and make decisions; confidence in my ability to understand the facts of reality that fall within the sphere of my interests and needs; self-trust and self-reliance.”

Nathaniel Branden The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem

This definition of self-esteem is an excellent tool to understand why self-defense training can make such a positive impact on a person’s emotional and psychological state. Let’s apply that definition to self-defense training:

Self-Efficacy

Evolution has wired us to detect and respond to threatening situations. In the days of cavemen and dinosaurs, that was a good thing. However, in modern times, that wiring can backfire when we generate fear, anxiety and stress in response to situations that are not physically dangerous or threatening. This can create symptoms and perceptions that compromise our self-confidence.

Proper self-defense training develops the knowledge, skill and willingness to resolve legitimate threats to our personal safety. You begin to satisfy your need for security and gain a sense of control over the events in your life. You become more capable of discriminating between REAL threats and the “pain-in-the-ass” variety that can suck so much enjoyment out of life.

Setting and achieving self-defense goals provides you with a process that can be applied to anything else you want to accomplish. It builds a general sense of competence which leads to a general sense of confidence.

Self-Respect

When you engage in self-defense training, what messages do you think are conveyed to your conscious and unconscious mind? What are you saying to yourself when you decide to dedicate time and energy to your health, your competence and your protection? When you are prepared to stand up for yourself, assert your rights and even injure your assailant to protect yourself, what does that say about your value and importance?

Keep in mind too that intelligent self-defense training is vigorous enough to strengthen and tone your muscles, burn up excess body fat and generate positive hormonal responses that make a significant impact on the way you feel about yourself. Need I say more?

Take care, train smart and toughen up…

Randy

Motivation is a significant aspect of “Self-Defense Psychology.”  When we think of motivation, we think of at least four different areas:

1.   Motivation to Learn (reading, studying, taking classes, watching DVD’s and reading my Blog )

2.   Motivation to Train (on going and focus effort to develop skills and athletic qualities)

3.   Motivation to Apply what you know (adopting a proactive lifestyle by avoiding dangerous or vulnerable situations)

4.  Motivation to Act (doing what you have to do when you encounter a volatile or violent situation)

I’ll focus on the second one, “Motivation To Train” in this post.  I believe that the training process is the essence of achieving everything that is achievable through the study of self-defense and martial arts.

I recently got an email from a client who had been on a consistent training streak but “fell off the wagon” and got sidetracked.  He asked me what he could do about regaining his motivation to train.  Here’s my response:

Procrastination and avoidance behavior is very common when implementing a regular training program.

It’s difficult for me to tell you what you need to do to regain your motivation to train. There are a number of reasons why you may be finding it hard to stay on track or get back into your training.

Difficulty in maintaining your training motivation is a very common problem.

Motivational Strategies

Here are some pointers to consider to regain your motivation to train.

Be very specific about what you want to achieve through your training and WHY you want to workout. Everyone’s reasons are different.  What are yours?

Strategy:  Write out a concise description of EXACTLY what you want to achieve as a result of your training and why?  Getting into better shape is not enough, you need to know why you want to be in better shape.

Are you over-training?

Often people, in their desire for quick results, training too long, too often or two intensely and they simply burn out… They start getting bored, or they get injured or they feel tired and even get ill.  If this is the case its a good idea to take some time off and allow your body to recover. Your motivation will come back.  If you are over-training, you’ll find your zeal for working out begins to fade, you may even come down with a cold or flu like symptoms. 

A good technique to determine over-training is to take your resting heart rate first thing in the morning.  If you wake up with an elevated heart rate, it’s probably a good idea to take a day off for recovery.

Strategy:  Take a break, don’t workout for a couple weeks to a month.  Depending on how long you’ve been training, it may take a substantial period of time for your body to recover.

Do you have a WRITTEN workout plan?

Do you have a specific, well-planned workout routine or are you working out randomly and haphazardly.  If you workout without a specific plan or structure to your workout its difficult to stay motivated.  Your workout should have a beginning, middle and end.  Going to the gym (or wherever you workout) and just throwing a bunch of haphazard drills and exercises together becomes boring fast.

Strategy:  Design a written workout plan listing the activities, exercises in the order that you will do them and include time frames, repetitions and how many sets of each activity.  If you need some training suggestions check out my Toughen Up Training Guides for some ideas.

Are you bored?

If you do have a routine, are you sticking with the exact same workout for an extended period of time?  If you do, you’ll probably get bored and the benefits you get from it will be less and less.

The body adapts to any training demand that is placed on it.  The better shape you’re in, the faster it adapts.  Its important to mix up your training every once in a while with different exercises and activities.  You shouldn’t stick with any workout routine for more than 4 weeks without some kind of variation.

Strategy:  Do some research and get creative about twists and variations you can put into your workouts to keep them fresh and interesting. Learn something new and incorporate it into your workouts.  Buy a new book or video or take a seminar and increase your knowledge of different training methods. (Check out my Toughen Up Training Guides for some training ideas)

Are you consistent?

Do you sit around waiting for motivation to find you?  It probably won’t.  If you workout at any and all times of the day, whenever the mood strikes you and you or try to squeeze your training into all of the other things in your schedule, you will find it difficult staying motivated.

Imagine if you sat around waiting for the motivation to hit you to go to work.  How long do you think you would keep your job?  Chances are… not very long.  Working out is the same.  Don’t wait for the mood to hit you before training.  Start training and you’ll get in the mood.

The best way to maintain a long-term training program is to try and stick to the same time every day… So when that pre-determine time comes up, you just do it.  It soon becomes a ritual and you’ll do it without having to force yourself. You will workout automatically.

Strategy:  Pick a time of day to workout and stick with it.  The best way is to workout earlier in the day… Making your workout a top priority in your day ensures that you will not get side tracked, interrupted or distracted by other things.  Psychologist tell us that it takes about 60 days to establish a habit.

If you can’t workout early, then pick a time of day and stick to it.  Start with a very small and easy routine and do it religiously.

Do you measure your training?

How do you know you’re getting anywhere with your training?  After figuring out what you want to achieve through your training, decide how it can be measured and monitored.  Is it to loose weight, do more repetitions, train longer, accomplish more in less time?  Find a way to track it, preferably in writing.

Strategy:  Buy a scribbler and use it exclusively to record your training results.  A training log allows you to assess your results and see if what you are doing is producing the results that you are after. Recording your workouts and goals on a calendar also works well to stay motivated.

Do you reward yourself?

Establish time limits and deadlines for your goals and reward yourself when you meet them.  Break your goals down into small, “doable” sub-goals and when you achieve them give yourself something that you want.

Be specific about what the reward is… It might be buying yourself something, or allowing yourself to do something special or enjoyable.

Strategy:  Set a deadline and a measurable standard to meet so you can tell when you reach your goal.  Write out a very specific description of what you will give yourself when you achieve it.  If its applicable, find a picture of what you want, or something that symbolizes it, and put it up where you can see it on a daily basis.

Different people are motivated by different things… Each of us needs to find out the most effective strategy or strategies that will motivate us to take consistent action toward our training goals.

Good luck with your training.  Take care, train smart and stay safe…

Randy

Fighters Are Seldom Picked On

As someone who’s been teaching self-defense for over three decades, there’s many things I can say with confidence, and here’s one of them… trained fighters are seldom picked on or victimized.

I’ve seen it over and over again.  People turn to self-defense training and the martial arts to escape bullying, harassment or victimization. They are fed up with feeling threatened and vulnerable and, for the life of them, they can’t figure out why THEY are the ones who are repeatedly hassled.   “Why is everybody always picking on ME?”

They take up combative training to prepare themselves for the next time they’re targeted by a crook, bully or insecure retard.

They start working out and develop a physical and mental game plan for the “next time” they find themselves on the receiving end of a predatory situation. 

More times than not, “the next time” never happens.  For whatever reason the incidents stop.

The Law Of The Jungle

That’s the “Law of the Jungle” at work.  It’s a evolutionary process used by predators to evaluate or select a potential victim.

In nature, predators don’t select prey who are strong, defiant and “superior.”  They seek out the lost, the weak, the sick and the meek. They look for someone who they feel superior to.

Human predators are no different, they too seek out (whether consciously or unconsciously) an “inferior” victim.  They don’t want their job to be any more difficult, embarrassing or dangerous than it has to be.

Toughen Up!

Taking up self-defense training won’t eliminate the possibility of a volatile encounter.  It will however dramatically reduce it.

It’s the human equivalent of installing bars and deadbolts on your house or a club on the steering wheel of your car. It won’t stop someone from getting in if they want to.  It will however, increase the potential that they will go somewhere else.  It’ll send a criminal searching for a softer and easier target.

When applied to property, this is called “target hardening.” 

I call the human equivalent “Toughening Up.” Part of the toughening up process is making yourself less attractive as a potential victim or adversary.

Ongoing self-defense training will not only provide you with physical skills, improved fitness and a sense of emotional resilience but will also change the way you look, move and the signals you project to the people around you.

The Passive Approach to Self-Defense Has It’s Limits

I’m not a fan of “passive self-defense advice” The “sit-on-your-ass-and-do-nothing-but-listen” approach to self-defense is not going to have a huge impact on your personal safety.

Nor is the “one-time-crash-course,” where you learn a handful of physical skills but don’t practice or even think about them after the class, course or seminar.

I firmly believe that the key, the secret, the holy grail of self-defense is the training process.

Don’t get me wrong, learning the theories and dynamics of volatile and violent behavior is beneficial.  The more you know about violent and volatile situations, the more capable you will be at recognizing and responding to them. 

However, it’s benefit to your personal safety will be dramatically magnified when that knowledge is combined with “combative workouts.”

Some self-defense instructors advise students to “act or pretend” to be strong, assertive and defiant.  Walk briskly, carry yourself with confidence and stand up straight.  If confronted, ALWAYS defy and challenge your assailant (and run the risk of pissing him off even more).  If only it were that simple. (cuz it isn’t)

This advice is as silly as telling someone to “act or pretend” that they can bench press 300 pounds or drop down and blast off 100 push ups… when the can’t.

I guess it goes back to the “Bluffing and Bullshit” post I wrote a while back… Faking will only take you so far.

The Grayson/Stein Study

In 1984 two researchers, Betty Grayson and Morris I. Stein, researched the criteria predators use when selecting victims. They videotaped several pedestrians on a busy New York City sidewalk without their knowledge.

They later showed the tape to convicts who were incarcerated for violent offenses (rape, murder, robbery, etc.) They instructed them to pick people on the tape who would make desirable victims. The results were interesting.

Within seven seconds, the participants made their selections. What baffled researchers was the consistency of the people selected. The criteria were not readily apparent. The selection did not appear to be specific to race, age, size or gender.

Even the convicts didn’t know exactly why they selected as they did. Some people just looked like “easy targets.” The predator/prey selection process seemed to happen unconsciously based on body language.

Video Analysis

Still at a loss of specific selection criteria, researches conducted a more thorough analysis of the movement and body language of the people on the videotape. Here is an overview of the results:

1. Stride:

People selected as victims had an exaggerated stride: either abnormally short or long. They dragged, shuffled or lifted their feet unnaturally as they walked. Non-victims, on the other hand, tended to have a smooth, natural gate. They stepped in a heel-to-toe fashion.

2. Rate:

Victims tend to walk at a different rate than non-victims. Usually, they walk slower than the flow of pedestrian traffic. Their movement lacks a sense of deliberateness or purpose. However, an unnaturally rapid pace can project nervousness or fear.

3. Fluidity:

Researchers noted awkwardness in a victim’s body movement. Jerkiness, raising and lowering one’s center of gravity or wavering from side to side as they moved became apparent in the victims analyzed. This was contrasted with smoother, more coordinated movement of the non-victims.

4. Wholeness:

Victims lacked “wholeness” in their body movement. They swung their arms as if they were detached and independent from the rest of their body. Non-victims moved their body from their “center” as a coordinated whole implying strength, balance and confidence.

5. Posture and Gaze:

A slumped posture is indicative of weakness or submissiveness. A downward gaze implies preoccupation and being unaware of one’s surroundings. Also, someone reluctant to establish eye contact can be perceived as submissive. These traits imply an ideal target for a predator.

So what’s my point?

Are you starting to get the point here?  Knowing what  you now know, is it any wonder why people who turn to regular self-defense training quickly become “non-victims?”

“Non-victim Signals” are the qualities of a trained and capable fighter.  They are the athletic qualities of movement that can only come from conditioning and coordinating your brain and your body through self-defense (or other forms of athletic) training.

So to make a long story short… the Predatory Selection Process is built around looking for weak, unconfident, unconditioned and uncoordinated people who won’t or can’t fight back.

THAT is why people who undertake combative training, self-defense and martial arts find that the victimization that they had formerly experienced stops.

Knowledge Is Still Important

That being said, I don’t believe the most legitimate solution to predatory or confrontational situations is fighting your way out of them.  The study of self-defense is about training you mind to detect, recognize and resolve volatiles situations long before they turn violent.

However, by acquiring the qualities of movement that can only be gained through ongoing training, you dramatically decrease the probability of being selected in the first place.

So what is the answer?  Learn as much as you can about how violent situations happen, how to recognize them, and what to do about them AND start training.  A combined approach of knowledge and action is the best way to… TOUGHEN UP!

If you need some help, advice and instructions… my Toughen Up Training Guides will get you started on the path of learning how to fight… so you won’t have to.

Take care, train smart and toughen up…

Randy